


Nein Weddings (Or the Nine Times the Mighty Nein Were Married and the One Time They Weren't)

by quiriusblack



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Jokes, Multi, Multi Chapter, Shenanigans, Weddings, polyamory technically?, the mighty nein - Freeform, this fic is a joke, walking disasters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-08-18 17:45:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiriusblack/pseuds/quiriusblack
Summary: The Mighty Nein are married. Not in the traditional sense, of course. They're too complicated and awkward for that. This fic is nine anecdotes in which members of the mighty nein either got married or pretended to be married for the sake of a scheme or getting out of a sticky situation. (And, of course, one time they didn't).Please bear in mind that these stories, though they are weddings and marriages, are not generally romantic in nature!





	1. Nott and Jester

“Okay okay okay,” Jester leaned down conspiratorially, “this time it’s going to work, I know it.” Nott cast her yellow eyes upward.

“Quick, Jester, and I’ll watch your back.” As she turned to do so, she came face-to-chest with the near-ancient dragonborn priest of this temple, the same temple Jester had not quite begun to deface this time.

“May I help you, my children?” his creaking voice echoed off the platinum dragon statue in the otherwise empty hall, nearly deafening. Jester turned on her heel in a flash of cobalt, meeting the familiar squinted eyes of a high priest whose form she had briefly assumed what seemed like a lifetime ago. He looked her up and down, appearing to try to decide where he could know her from, but before he could place her, she spoke without stopping to think.

“MypartnerandI” she took a deep, steadying breath, grabbing Nott by the shoulder and subtly holding her harder than she needed to, “were wondering.”

“Mhm.” Nott supplied.

“If you” Jester continued, holding out the vowel.

“If you” Nott added rather quickly, speaking toward the ground in an effort to hide her teeth.

“Perform wedding ceremonies?” she managed to say without laughing or breaking face. Nott added no reply, dumbstruck by the sudden onset of seeming affection from her friend. But if Nott knew anything, it was a con, and so she leaned against Jester’s arm around her, eyes toward the floor.

It is not often that gods smile on their charges. It is even less often that the Traveler, by all accounts an agent of chaos, smiles on his. Some might even say Jester had about one chance in twenty to make this priest believe her, but against all odds, he did.

His expression softened, his eyes returning to their normal wideness. He decided, quite rightly, that he had seen these two around Zadash, and that they had taken care of that unfortunate spider problem several years ago. The goblin stifling her laughter appeared to him, nervous, possibly desperately in love. His heart went out to them, a tiefling and a goblin, both destined to be mistrusted by the world. They had found solidarity, acceptance, and love in each other.

In a way, of course, he was right. He was looking at two kindred spirits. They did love each other. They even understood each other in ways that no one else did. The fact that this understanding was more in the chaos-and-bomb-constructing way than it would ever be in the you-are-my-one-true-love way did not seem relevant at the time.

“Of course.” He replied, after three beats of silence that felt like an eternity to Nott and Jester. “All are welcome under the light of Bahamut, my child. We can marry you and this goblin at once.” He turned his back, making his way to the altar. Behind him, Nott and Jester looked into each other’s equally widened eyes, trying desperately not to laugh, neither of them seeing a way to get out of this now. They walked slowly toward the altar.

“Is there anyone you wish to witness this joyous occasion?” he asked, terrified the answer would be no. He resolved to call forward half his loyal worshipers if this odd couple had no other support.

“Caleb.” Nott said, maybe a little too quickly. “Caleb should be here.”

“By all means, go fetch this Caleb. Your bride and I will wait for you here.” The dragonborn smiled kindly, watching the tiny goblin frame running for the door. “She seems excited,” he turned to Jester. “How did you two meet?”

~I~

Nott came running out of the temple so fast the hit Caleb’s leg face first.

“Okay,” she began, suddenly realizing how absolutely insane this was. “Do not ask questions, but Jester and I are getting married. Now. Like, right now. In that temple. And I need you to be there as my witness.”

Caleb blinked slowly once. Then twice. Then a third time. “Ya, okay.” He finally replied and began walking toward the temple, tucking his book under his arm.

“What?” Nott shrieked, calling the attention of a few passers-by. “You’re just okay with this?” 

“You said not to ask questions.” Caleb replied, shrugging the shoulders of his dusty coat as he ascended the temple steps. 

“I did, didn’t I.” Nott mumbled mostly to herself, as she walked down the aisle toward Jester on Caleb’s arm. 

The ceremony was blissfully short, the high priest of Bahamut shedding a single tear when the two women broke out into peals of laughter after saying “I do.” Jester kissed Nott’s forehead, then picked her up and allowed her to kiss her cheek. They walked out of the temple with Caleb, all smiles, flowers in their hair. 

“I told you it would work.” Jester whispered out of the side of her mouth on their way toward the door. 

“Getting married is not what I had in mind.” Nott replied without moving her mouth at all, eyes fixed forward. 

“Wait until Beauregard hears about this.” Caleb smiled serenely, moving himself into the middle and draping an arm over each member of the newly married couple. 

~I~ 

Caleb never did tell Beauregard. Jester had mentioned it, but Beau chalked it up to another of Jester’s dramatized stories of her daring escapes. She smiled and nodded through the tale of watching Nott being given away by Caleb while the high priest cried about solidarity and made a mental note to not let Jester read any more romance novels. 

In fact, it had completely slipped Beau’s mind until she watched an orc bring the blunt handle of his axe down on Jester’s temple, nearly sending her reeling. Before Beau could lunge with her staff, or Caleb could send his fury, or Fjord could call on his patron, Nott’s voice cut the chaos. 

“HEY!” she shouted over the din, hidden somewhere in the shadows and debris. “THAT’S MY WIFE!” 

A crossbow bolt hit the orc right between the eyes and exploded, knocking it prone. Its blood mixed with the ash of what used to be its face and pooled around it. Jester stood up, holding the side of her head, and smiled. 

“Thank you, Nott.” 

“Hey, gotta protect my wife, right?” 

“And I protect you too. We took vows and everything, technically.” 

“Wait.” Beau interrupted, the fading adrenaline only just now letting her process the end of the fight. 

“You two like, actually got married?”


	2. Beau and Caleb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Wedding Number Two

If one more stuffy-ass monk called her “Beauregard,” Beau was going to lose her goddamn mind. Caleb had kept her trapped in this library, which she was now coming realize was at least the sixth of the nine hells, for seven fucking hours while he researched controlling the essence of reality itself, or something equally useless. She chose one blue-bound book out of hundreds several yards across the room and focused all her energy on it. She had every intention of passing the time by seeing if she could move that book with her mind. 

Right when she thought she almost had it, a rudely cleared throat behind her broke her concentration. “Excuse me, Beauregard?” 

“What?” she snapped around, maybe a little too quickly, the book remaining unmoved on its shelf. She came face-to-face with an elder of her order, one of the men who had trained her to fight, and who had been trying to convince her to meditate for years now. 

“I was only wondering if I might ask you a question.” The elder monk held her gaze, a half smile playing at his half-elf lips. 

“You can ask, but I reserve the right not to answer you.” She replied, craning her neck over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Caleb, absolutely thriving, surrounded on all sides by piles of tomes older than the both of them combined. 

“I was only wondering if that man you appear here with so often might be your husband?” 

If Beau had had a drink in her mouth, she would have spat it out. 

If Beau had had a witty, gay one liner at the ready, she would have said it then. 

The truth was, that question came so far out of the realm of her reality that Beau couldn’t even laugh in response. She merely stood there, slack jawed, wondering what part of her was not screaming lesbian as loud as it could, so that she might fix it later. 

“He is…not. He is not. He is nothing of the kind. What makes you even ask that?” The elder at least had the decency to look uncomfortable, shifting his weight and aiming his eyes at the floor. 

“I truly don’t mean to pry, it is only just that I know you do not, erm, particularly enjoy your time here at the archives,”

“You got that much right.” Beau muttered just loud enough for him to hear her, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“And you seem to be willing to tolerate long hours here for this man’s sake, and it’s only that, I wished to inform you that…if he had been your husband, and you presented proof of your union to the Cobalt Soul, well, he would be allowed into the archives unaccompanied,” the half-elf continued as though Beau had not spoken, still refusing to look her in the eye. 

“Wait,” Beau uncrossed one arm, keeping the other over herself protectively, “you mean to tell me that if I married Caleb, I wouldn’t have to come to the library anymore?” 

“Well, he can’t simply be marrying you for your library membership, as that would be fraud, but if you two had been married for any other reason, then yes. You would not have to come to the library any longer. At least not to escort your Caleb.” 

“He’s not my-“Beau cut herself off, beginning to bite the nails on her right hand. “Thank you, for the information. I may make use of it soon.” She sat down at her desk, turning her back to the elder monk dismissively, and waited for him to walk away. 

A few hours later, when the sun was nearly completely set, Caleb acquiesced to leaving the archives and going back to the inn they had been living out of. Just before they reached the door, Beau put out her arm to stop them. 

“Can I talk to you about something?” she started, a lot less confidently than she had sounded in her head. 

“Ya, of course.” Caleb replied, turning his body to face her. 

“So uh, don’t take this the wrong way. Or anything. And I promise I have a very good reason for asking. But I was wondering if you would marry me.” Beau kept as solemn a face as she possibly could, given the circumstances. 

“Beauregard, uh. You told me once that you would kill me if I mentioned your sex life ever again, but I couldn’t help but notice that your preferences do not seem to uh…be…like me in any way.” He stammered out, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Oh, no, not like, get married in a straight way. I just mean like. Get married. In a temple. Possibly tomorrow.” She put up her hands defensively and watched Caleb visibly relax and deflate. 

“You said you had an explanation, Beauregard, and I would love to hear it right about now.” 

“Caleb, I need you to listen to me.” At this point both humans, both empire children, were holding back laughter: Beau as she realized the ridiculousness of her request, Caleb as he realized she may actually have a fucking explanation. Both stole glances at the windows of the inn, and breathed sighs of relief when no blue tiefling eyes met theirs. 

“Okay, hear me out. I found out a piece of information today that might be able to benefit both of us.” She held very serious eye contact, playing with the wraps on her hands. Caleb simply raised his eyebrows in response, snapping his fingers to summon Frumpkin around his shoulders. 

“A monk I spoke to today, an elder, he actually taught me briefly. He said spouses of monks can use the archives without supervision.” The gears in both their heads had begun to turn. “So obviously, it would be a good thing for both of us to get married. Because you could go to the archives whenever you want, and I won’t have to go with you when you do.” 

Caleb was nodding slowly, scratching Frumpkin’s ears as Beau spoke. “So then, what is the catch?” 

“Well, they said that if we were just getting married for the library, that would be fraud, they said.” 

“So we need to convince them that we really want to get married.” 

“Yes.” 

“A lesbian, and whatever I am.” 

“Yes.” Beau replied. Caleb was nodding his head faster now. 

“We have gotten away with stranger things.” 

“You know what Caleb? You’re absolutely right.” 

~I~ 

Caleb Widogast is a surprisingly accomplished liar. It was relatively easy for him, holding Beau’s hand, to convince the monks of the Cobalt Soul that he and Beau had had a tragic love story. Their families had never approved of the match, he claimed. Years ago, they had taken to only tolerating each other in public, you understand. The library had brought them closer than ever, he explained, sitting much closer to Beau on the bench than he ever would anywhere else. 

The ceremony was mercifully short. And even more mercifully, the Knowing Mistress smiled on Beau and none of the monks noticed that Caleb did not actually kiss her. His thumb covered her mouth in the split second before his lips would have touched hers. It went off without a hitch. 

The monks mistook their peals of awkward, relieved laughter as genuine happiness. 

Their hands dropped once they were out of sight of the temple. 

“Thank you for not kissing me.” Beau said under her breath, shoving her hands in her pockets. 

“Seemed like the best thing to do if I could avoid it.” There were a few beats of silence. “Thank you for marrying me.” 

“I could say the same to you. It was worth it for the books, right?” 

They continued to walk in awkward silence, their hands in their pockets. 

“You are a good friend, Beauregard.” 

“Yeah. You are too.” A few more beats of silence. 

“So if Jester ever finds out we’ll just mutually kill each other?” Caleb set his eyes on the road ahead.

“Oh yeah, of course. It’ll be much less painful.” 

“Glad we are on the same page.” 

The awkwardness dissipated like mist in a flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> This one is kind of different from the first one. Any guesses on what the third wedding will be? 
> 
> Thanks for reading! And Happy Thanksgiving to all the US readers!! 
> 
> -Marissa


	3. Jester and Fjord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding number three!

It has been said (mostly by the Ruby of the Sea, but it has been said) that nothing had ever been as dazzling as Jester on her wedding day. Her dress was a shocking white against her deep blue skin, sparkling from every angle, she was not merely glowing: she was emanating light. It has been said that this effect was magical, but it has also been said (mostly by Caleb Widogast, but it has been said) that the supernatural light was merely her personality shining through. 

No expense had been spared at the Lavish Chateau. Every surface had been draped in white silks, and gentle harp music accompanied Jester and her mother’s deliberate walk down the aisle. All eyes were fixed on the Ruby and the Sapphire, especially Fjord’s. Tears threatened against the corners of his eyes as he watched Jester make her way toward him, him in his fresh-cleaned captain’s clothes, her holding the flowers Yasha had picked for the occasion. He stole a glance at Beau, in her ceremonial robes, holding a massive tome with the emblem of the Knowing Mistress emblazoned across the front. She winked. The tension in his shoulders dissipated for a moment, then tightened again, the nerves solidifying in his chest. 

Jester shot a half smile at Caleb on his bench in the audience, who waved back as subtly as he could, one hand on his seat to steady himself. Frumpkin, in his preferred cat form, prowled among the guests’ feet. As Marian passed Jester’s hands from hers to Fjord’s, silent tears began to stream down her face. She smiled wide, kissed Jester on the forehead, and placed a hand on the sapphire around her throat. Jester kissed her mother on the cheek, almost as if to take the tears away, before Marian took her place in the front row. 

“Dearly beloved,” Beau began, in a deep, official voice that barely resembled her own. “We are here today in this beautiful venue to join together the beautiful souls of Jester Lavorre and Fjord Tusktooth.” The two shared a glance like an inside joke, there was a smattering of laughter from the crowd as Fjord smiled wide, bearing teeth that might become tusks in a few more weeks if he continued to leave them alone. Jester covered her mouth politely as she laughed, not rejoining hands with Fjord as the moment passed. 

“As we all know,” Beau continued, visibly reading off of a paper she had placed in the book she was holding, “this day has been coming for a long time. For years, we have watched these two grow as a family. And I could not be more satisfied to be standing in front of you today, to finally bring about the happy ending of the story we have been watching unfold for so long.” In the audience, Caleb was mouthing along to the words he had helped Beau write. 

“There is no reason to delay any longer in making this beautiful house a home again, or in solidifying this family. Fjord and Jester, if you would please join hands.” The two faced each other in practiced, measured motions, each trying to slow their breathing to appear less nervous. 

“Repeat after me: I, Fjord.” 

“I, Fjord.” The drawl to his voice was stronger than ever before. 

“Do take Jester to be my wife.” 

“Do take Jester to be my wife.” His voice nearly cracked, Jester biting her lip so as not to laugh. 

“Good. Now your turn.” Beau was also steadying her breathing, hyper aware of all the eyes trained on her. “I, Jester.” 

“I, Jester.” Her voice had an edge of laughter to it, Fjord couldn’t help but smile in return. In the front row, Marian was still crying. 

“Do take Fjord to be my husband.” 

“Do take Fjord to be my husband.” There was a palpable moment of silence that hung in the air.

“Uhh…” Beau broke the tension. “You may kiss your bride, Fjord.” Fjord reached his hand out to cup Jester’s face and leaned halfway into a kiss. Just as Jester was about to close the gap, the unmistakable twang of a crossbow shot rang out through the room. 

“GO GO GO” Nott screamed from the rafters, and the Mighty Nein began to move as one. The crossbow bolt had missed Jester by half a breath, as Beau had caught it in midair. Before she could throw it back, Fjord had pulled Jester into his arms and was running sideways across the room, blocking her body with his out of the line of fire. In the chaos, Nott’s shrill voice cut the screams with directions. “I HAVE VISUAL,” she aimed her own crossbow. 

Beau threw the bolt back in the direction it had come from, but it found no purchase. One of the tieflings in the audience grew taller and taller as Caduceus let his disguise spell drop. He moved slowly in the direction of the threat, almost smiling. Yasha came barreling down from her patrol on the second floor, already in a rage, Magician’s Judge in hand. Before any of them could reach the target, Caleb had clapped molasses between his palms and cast slow, nearly stopping the retreating agent in his tracks, his crossbow still in his hands. Beau, all the more intimidating in her ceremonial robes, caught up to him the fastest, other guests and employees still scattering around the space. With one punch, she had him stunned, and she lined her staff up with his temple, frozen in place. 

“We came here to settle this once and for all. How much did he pay you, and how the hell do we get the bounty off the bride?” she tapped her staff gently against the side of his skull, a reminder of his vulnerability. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

~I~

Fifteen Days Previous 

My dearest Jester,  
I do not wish to frighten you, I only wish to inform you that you may no longer be safe where you are. The Count has begun sending messages to our home. Again, I do not wish to scare you, but the messages imply that he may be coming for you. He has said that you cannot run forever. I only wish for your safety, my love. Please take the greatest of precautions.  
With all my love,  
Marian 

Jester finished reading the letter aloud and looked around the room to her friends, eyes wide. 

“Well, it is obvious then, isn’t it?” Caleb said, straightening the collar on his coat. It was not a question. 

“What’s obvious?” Jester asked, her eyes still darting around the room. Her fangs worried at her top lip as she folded and re-folded the letter in her hands. 

“If he is coming for you one way or the other…” Caleb began. 

“We might as well go to him.” Beau finished from her place leaned against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest. When Jester looked around the room, she saw all of the Mighty Nein nodding in agreement. 

“Pack your bags, everyone.” Fjord rose from his chair, an almost mischievous smile on his face. “Looks like we’re going back to Nicodranas.” 

“Jester, if you would not mind sending a letter in front of us, I think I have an idea.” Caleb leaned forward, conspiring. 

~I~ 

Ten Days Previous.

Nott was standing on a table in a borrowed room in the Lavish Chateau, gesturing wildly to a hand-drawn map of the building with a dagger through one end of it to keep it in place. 

“Okay team.” She was pacing back and forth in the small space, her hands clasped together behind her back. “We need to formulate a plan. Everyone who is everyone in Nicodranas now knows that Jester is coming home to get married. Step one. Who is going to marry Jester.” Her yellow eyes darted around the room from face to face, looking for a volunteer. 

“I can blink or misty step away with her if someone gets a shot in.” Fjord volunteered to the floor, his hands deep in his pockets. 

“Perfect. Jester, go stand by your groom.” Nott continued to step over the map, staring at it intensely. One hand migrated from behind her back to her chin as she said “Beau, you’ll be the officiant.” 

“Why me?” Beau asked incredulously, eyes wide. 

“Because our cleric is getting married, our other cleric is too conspicuous, I need Yasha on security, and you’re the other vaguely religious person here.” Nott held Beau’s gaze as she counted the reasons out on her fingers. 

“Woman’s got a point.” Fjord supplied, shrugging his shoulders, now standing with Jester. 

“Thank you Fjord.” Nott held her head high. “I knew Jester saw something in you.” 

~I~ 

Nine Days Previous 

“I don’t mean to be morbid.” Clay began over dinner, his cup of wine sitting untouched in his hands. “But we do have enough diamonds for revivify, were something to go awfully wrong.” 

Marian began to fold and unfold her napkin in her hands, her fangs rubbing against her bottom lip. 

“I don’t mean to be upsetting, I only mean to remind everyone that it’s gonna be okay.” Caduceus’ even voice was welcome in the high stress environment. 

“Mr. Clay is correct, as usual.” Caleb supplied, leaning forward across the table as he dropped his voice. “I would feel much more comfortable if those diamonds were very accessible. Would either of you happen to have any jewelry you are not attached to?” his eyes moved slowly from Jester to her mother and back. 

“After Molly…” Jester started slowly. “I went out and got a bunch of loose diamonds.” She reached into her bag and produced a smaller sack, and poured dozens of small diamonds onto the table. “It’s worth 300 gold.” 

Marian’s face went from worried to determined. “Give them to me.” She nodded slowly, completely sure of herself for the first time since this plan had been introduced to her, of setting up her daughter’s fake wedding as bait for the man who intended to kill her. “I will sew them into her dress.” 

Jester smiled wide, taking her mother’s hands into hers. “Thank you, Mama.”

One by one, the other members of the Mighty Nein went about their business and left the Ruby and the Sapphire alone at the table. Marian looked around the room to ensure they were alone before she spoke. “I do not like this, my Jester. It feels like I am putting you in danger.” Jester’s smile was bright-white and dazzling. 

“I’m gonna be okay, Mama. My friends will take care of me. And you will take care of me. Beau can literally catch arrows out of the air and throw them back, and Caleb and Fjord can do magic, and Yasha is so strong, and Nott is so fast, and Caduceus can fix me if something really really bad happens, but it won’t.” 

“I only wonder, love, if you are trying to convince me or yourself.” Jester did not answer, only leaned her head onto her mother’s chest. Several minutes went by in silence, neither woman knowing whether she needed more to comfort or to be comforted. Jester broke the silence as gently as she knew how. 

“Mama?” 

“Yes, darling.” 

“I know it’s not like, a real wedding we’re doing. And I know that it’s a mission, and everything. But I was wondering if you would walk me down the aisle.” She did not move from her place rested against her mother. In the beat of silence before Marian could answer, Jester continued. “It’s okay if you say no, because it’s not like, a real wedding or anything. And it’s going to be like, really dangerous and I get it if that would be too much for you, and I can just ask Yasha because she’s really strong and-“ 

“Jester.” Marian said, barely above a whisper. Jester pulled away from her mother’s chest to look her in the eye. “Of course I will.” And they both began to cry. 

~I~ 

Two Days Previous 

Caleb and Jester sat on a bench in an otherwise empty hallway. Caleb read his book as Jester monologued about the upcoming wedding. 

“Okay so my Mama sewed all the diamonds into the dress and now if something bad happens Caduceus will be able to help me really quickly because the diamonds will already be on my dress. And my mama said she would walk me down the aisle. And Fjord said he would be the groom, and everything, and I decided what I’m going to do with my hair, and we sent out all the invitations, and my Mama is gonna sing if we get through the whole ceremony without anyone trying to kill me, and if no one tries to kill me at all then we’re going to need a new plan.” She spoke quickly, without so much as taking a breath until the last line. On her inhale, Caleb turned the page of his book. 

“And I wanted to talk to you too, Caleb.” 

“I have all of my offensive spells prepared and I promise to not fireball your mother’s house.” Caleb still kept his eyes trained on his book. Jester’s laughter would have seemed genuine to anyone but Caleb, or probably Caduceus. Her feet swung back and forth, as they did not touch the ground. 

“I know, silly. I just wanted to tell you something.” Jester took a steadying breath as she turned to face Caleb on the bench. “I just wanted you to know that if I were like, actually getting married, and this wasn’t a trap just to catch a guy that was going to kill me, and we weren’t at my mom’s house, and our lives were normal like, at all, I would have asked you to walk me.” Caleb’s eyes were suddenly very still, but he did not dare move the book away from his face. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean I would have asked you to walk with me, at my real wedding.” Caleb was too overwhelmed to reply, and held onto the book resolutely. “W..would you have said yes?” 

“If you had asked me to give you away at your wedding? As the stand in for your family?” 

“Well…yeah.” Caleb finally closed his book and put it to his side. He took a deep, steadying breath and turned to face his friend, shifting his coat underneath him. He reached out and put his hands over her hands. 

“That would be.” He took another breath, even deeper this time. “That would be the great honor of my life.” Jester’s smile was completely genuine this time, nearly blinding. She squeezed his hands and went to walk away, but stopped herself at the last second. 

“You are my family, Caleb. You know that, right?” Jester spoke slowly and deliberately, as though the words could become arcane if she spoke them in the wrong order or with the wrong inflection. “You said a stand in, a second ago. But like, it wouldn’t be standing in. You are my family.” Tears welled at the corners of Caleb’s eyes, but he said nothing as his friend began to walk away. She had reached the threshold of her room without expecting a response when she heard his voice in the back of her head. 

“I love you.” When she turned, the wire was still curled around his fingers, against his mouth. She all but ran back to pull him into a hug. 

“I love you too, Caleb.” She ruffled his hair as she turned to walk away again. 

“I am not going to let anything happen to you.” 

~I~ 

One Day Previous 

Jester was flitting between her mother’s room and Beau’s room, unsure of whose familiarity she needed the most. She sat with her legs to her chest on the end of Beau’s bed, looking at her wedding dress on the hanger, shining like a beacon, like a target. 

“Do you think I’m going to die, Beau?” 

“No. And even if you do, it won’t be for long.” 

“What do you think is going to happen?” 

“I think we’re going to have a very nice fake wedding, and then I’m going to bash someone’s face in, and then we’ll all get drunk like you do at rich people weddings.” Beau finished polishing her staff and turned to Jester, taking her face in her hands. “You know what I really think? I think the same thing that always happens is what’s going to happen. I think everything is going to go to hell. And I think we’re going to be absolutely fine. And after, we’re all gonna process it together. And Cad is gonna say something so deep that it’ll take me two days to process it. And at the end of everything, you and me are gonna stay up too late and pick apart every detail that might be funny, okay? And watching me try to officiate a wedding should be pretty fucking funny.” Beau smiled and fluffed up Jester’s hair, and Jester leaned her head on Beau’s shoulder. 

“You guys might be like, the best thing that ever happened to me.” She spoke so quietly Beau barely heard her. 

“Everything is going to be okay.” 

~I~ 

Jester Lavorre was walking toward near-certain death. 

More importantly, she was walking toward her friends. She held onto her mother’s arm so tightly she may have drawn blood. She kept eye contact with Fjord, and the nervous laughter kept bubbling out of her when she saw how hard he was trying to seem calm. Pre-wedding jitters, she thought to herself. Everyone gets them. Beau was already sweating. 

Her faith swelled in her chest as she took Fjord’s hands in hers and as she closed her eyes, a familiar voice spoke into her ear. 

“I’m never far.” The Traveler whispered. Jester squeezed Fjord’s hands in her excitement and opened her eyes. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” He continued, “And neither will they.” Then the shot rang out, and Jester’s vision went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! 
> 
> Sorry this took so long to update, I've been super busy with finals. To make up for the long wait, this chapter is like twice as long as both of the previous ones. Now that I'm on break you guys can expect more weddings and some new stuff within the next month!! You're also welcome to come follow me on tumblr, @quiriusblack ! You can also follow my CR sideblog, @jestersmonochromeeyes !! Thanks for sticking around through this whole chapter omg. And Merry Christmas to all those celebrating!! 
> 
> -Marissa <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> This whole thing kind of started as a joke, but I'm actually really enjoying playing around with the characters. All the chapters should be pretty short shenanigans. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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